Funky Forest - The First Contact Review

I often like to check out lesser known stuff, so today I look at a film that is said to be a collection of Japanese sketches. A bit like Monty Python then? Okay, let’s-

 What

The

Flying

Fuck.

Plot (Spoilers (?)!(But really, I mean can you spoil the explainable?((?!)!?!?)!!!?(!?!?!!?!)))

So it starts out with two stand-up comedians slapping each other, then it turns out an astronaut or something was watching them, but then he was just a segway and flies his weird ship/thing and the title appears. Now we see a little girl go into a different dimension and shoot lasers at an alien before she gets hit in the head by a floating black ball and then retreats through a black hole because she only went to attack the aliens because she didn’t want to do her homework and then we cut to three brothers who are unpopular with the ladies but they are they guitar brothers, and I’m pretty sure one of the brothers isn’t even Asian, anyway they try to figure out why women dig guitarists, then we cut to a woman running through a park, she hugs a tree and sings at the sky then a couple are talking about teaching English or some shit and then one of them tries to be a DJ (By the way, we’re cutting back to the two comedians throughout this film it seems) anyway, back to the guitar brothers, one of them is doing some meditative/chant/dance/song thing in front of a picture that sort of looks like the devil, then three sales girls are talking about stuff and sing happy birthday to a 39 year old bachelor in English, who turns out to be in debt, anyway the girls talk about UFO sightings then they have a bath together.

Then afterwards they talk about cutting a tree down and making chopping boards out of it, so then they eat. Downstairs at the same hotel(?) the no-longer-in-debt man is getting really enthusiastic as he plays ping pong by himself, one of the girls asks to join him then the girl is talking to the other two girls about it, they start high-fiving and shit and talk some more stuff, eventually getting annoyed with each other so then suddenly PILLOW FIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, but this a really brutal pillow fight, not the sexy girl sleepover type, so anyway, the staff break it up and they all sleep peacefully.  So now we go back to a guitar brother, strumming away, is little bro aint impressed,  then is impressed. Sweet. Now we see the dj guy’s dream, he’s lying on the beach by a washed up car that is flashing headlights at him, there’s this giant speaker on the beach, some dude with a freaky mask steps out the car with a machine gun then starts fucking dancing like a boss then goes back in his car then his girlfriend appears and orders him to dance then two kids show up and show him a dance while dressed as aliens or some shit, (I don’t know, it’s 2AM and I feel like I’m tripping, I’ll be back in the morning)-(Back) So the kids vanish and the mask guy turns up the bass in the car and makes a giant animated woman/thing appear out of nowhere, the dudes girlfriend tells him to tango with it, they both do the robot and then the giant animated thing flies up and turns into a football which the dude kicks to his girlfriend who gives him a thumbs down, he tries to get her to confess her feelings but to no avail. Another dance ensemble gets out of the car, the dude dances really well with these peeps, (is this a music video?) dream girlfriend loves this dance of love, BUT WAIT, he needs to do one more dance with a disembodied floating cartoon head, (What? Sweet dance moves anyway) he totally nails it, no actually he sucked and dream-girlfriend and floating head laugh at him. DREAM OVER. So he was talking about his dream and actually she isn’t his girlfriend he just wants her to date him, but then she says she had a strange dream, too (OH GOD NO) wait, it says intermission, this film is half-way over.

(Man, I’m actually getting into this, why am I sitting through this 3 minute intermission countdown? Maybe something will happen. Nope.) So, school girl walking through school, meets guy in a fuzzy yellow suit, she pulls his yellow dick-extension(?)  another guy jumps out in really small clothes, they can’t explain what’s going on (A bit like me here) but they do anyway and it takes 3 hours and 10 minutes exactly, so It turns out they have to save a planet using this girls navel, this powers a machine, inside the machine looks like a giant anus, short-clothed dude sticks his arm in it, he pulls out a FUCKING TINY MAN. OUT OF THE ANUS MACHINE. Tiny man is a chef who gives them some test results that say ‘Fairly Fine’ (What the hell, is this tiny anus man a fortune cookie or something? IS IT SYMBOLISM?) But then they say they’re the shorty trio and not everyone laughs at their skits (WHAT THE FUCK) anyway, now the girl is telling this different guy what happened, girl leaves and guy smokes a cigarette.  Now we’re in a classroom, the class pulls a prank on the teacher, a student walks up front HOME ROOM TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he asks where his fucking shoe Is (Dude, I don’t even know) but then the teacher calls him out on it, noticing he is actually wearing both his shoes (BUSTED). Back to the guitar brothers, the little fat kid is doing homework or some shit and gives his brother a snickers bar, then they all go out for noodles.

HOME ROOM CLASS again, teacher gets pranked in the exact same way, he says they rock, girl student walks up front and gets everyone to say greetings, but she gets carried away (Such a joker) and says can’t be serious about it (Teacher is all shiiiiiit man, this girl got balls.) Now in another class, these two girls have these weird little creatures that WHAT. Okay, now we’re in a locker room where two boys are fiddling with some different alien creature things and they stick an alien tendril up his butt (what the fuck) Now we’re in a bag room with a different alien being that looks like a tree with mini people as branches,  but one of the faces is wrong, so they rub the offenders third limb to change the facial expression. Now in the other rooms, the students are playing the aliens like instruments. Oh wait, all the aliens are instruments and now its lunch time? So they all celebrate? Cool. Then the teacher FUCKING FLIPS when they rush to hug him, because his polished shoes get scuffed. HOME ROOM!!!!!!! Teacher falls for the exact same prank, girl goes to the front of class and asks them to listen closely, but they can’t hear her so THEY WANNA FUCKING FIGHT but they chill out and the girl starts speaking backwards by accident (Can that actually happen? Fuck, I don’t know) she then says she found a boyfriend, the class congratulates her, seriously they go fucking wild, another teacher bursts in and tells them to keep to shut the fuck up, his class is trying to study but this class’ teacher tells him to get the fuck out, the intruding teacher backs out and the class fucking celebrates again. (Wooo! Yeah bitches!) Now we watch three dudes check out drawing and two of them have a history together, anyway, they’re trying to produce an anime.

One of the guys starts daydreaming that he is flying through white space (The same space at the beginning) but the little alien fighting girl crashes into him (what the living fuck?) anyway he wakes up and they all imagine a big-headed person talking to the supposed ‘Dog’ director (Who is actually a dog) giving them ideas for a story, anyway, back to reality (?) one of the guys mentions his brother’s singles picnic (Lots of stuff is relating back to other stuff now. I’m sure it should be making sense. Should) the others agree to come so they can meet girls. Guitar brothers, playing ball in a park, title saying THE DAY OF THE SINGLES PICNIC (Aw shit, I think this is the climax. The whole film has been building to this moment. I think.) It’s all the other guys from throughout the film, waiting alone in the park for hours, they watch a girl jog past in slow motion. That was anti-climactic. Looks like they were all stood up. They all do some bonding and have a laugh, one of them does some whack dancing, holy shit, he’s actually a pro, everyone is amazed. Now we see a crazy hand drawn animation about three students getting way too excited about the rumour of a transfer student, but they meet Mr. Paddle, the third disciple of the transfer student who thinks they are assholes, then it takes a dump in front of them and throws is at them, declaring war, it explodes like a motherfucking bomb. The three students transform into a robot tank and vow to destroy Mr. Paddle, a policeman tells them to cut that shit out, they all make friends with each other.

So now we’re back in the realm of live action, The After School club, in the gymnasium, a girl with a tennis racket stands ready as the coach interviews this 55 year old man sitting in front of them who takes off his top (what the fuck, he has 6 INCH NIPPLES?! AGH!?!) then these huge man-balls drop out of a hole in the chair, the coach starts flicking them, so the nipple man starts squirting something out of his 6 INCH NIPPLES, then the tennis girl starts trying to whack the liquid, (I- what the fuck, I don’t even know- it… Ah heck, I’m half an hour from the end, I may as well see this madness through) then they take a break and the 6 INCH NIPPLE MAN grabs what looks like large leeches from his pants and starts throwing them at tennis girl. Coach starts air-guitaring while this is going on, then one of the leeches grabs onto the tennis girl and starts sucking her blood, so they call the school nurse, who peels away the leech skin to reveal a tiny man head, the nurse then starts scolding the alien leech and pulls a name stamp out of what looks like its penis, they discover the alien/leech/tinyheadman’s name and manages to pull the bloodsucking tendril off the tennis girl. Now the coach is sitting with the girl, telling her that sports are dangerous. Now the girlfriend (?) from earlier is having a dream, she is playing the violin while dressed in a white fluffy suit, in a forest. Now her violin sounds like a didgeridoo, now another girl (dressed up warm) is modulating her violin sounds with buttons on trees, wait, three of them are doing it now. Voice of an old man is singing. (I think this is a metaphor for something… Maybe).

Now we watch a man on his pilgrimage, smoke a cigarette and hears the violin/didgeridoo through the forest, he meets a kid that is recording the violin girl, the boy and man talk about missing temples and tasty noodles or some shit, then they listen to the techno-forest show. They all look really happy (almost orgasmic) as it goes on, then they speed up, but it is interrupted by the pilgrimage sneezing (OH SHIT YOU GON’ DUN IT NOW) the modulator girls turn into coloured light and fly away like a fucking rainbow and the boy vanishes. Cool. Now we’re in space for some reason, oh wait, the modulator girls  travel the universe on a spaceship with the mission to turn up the volume of dreams or something (Of course). Violin girl shouts out for volume, then wakes up. DJ man agrees that it was a strange dream then runs out when she says she sees a UFO, turns out she lied, dude starts dancing to her chants of ‘I lied’ , she joins in with the dance (Holy shit, this is fucking catchy) they continues… and… END CREDITS (But I feel obligated to sit through them... nope, that's it.) So… yeah - you know what? There isn’t a punchline. Jeez what the hell did I just watch? 10/10 would watch again.

It’s the kind of film that would work well in the background of a party as you can jump in any time and still be just as confused, but if you watched more of it you’d see that the characters have a continued narrative that doesn’t make the plot any less confusing, but at least you can begin to recognize faces in the alien world of strangeness that is this film.

Why is this film so enthralling? Why is a cult classic in japan? I would not recommend it, but I feel that if there is a secret to life, it’s probably buried in this film somewhere, so I recommend it. Or not, shit, I don’t know.

On a scale of 1-5, 1 being ‘This show killed my family’ and 5 being ‘Euphorically incredible’.

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UNRATABLE.